Amitié, Amistad, Freundschaft, Venskab, Cairdeas

 Chances are you know what one of those words mean.

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.” -Mohammed Ali

"Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity." -Unknown

I guess I like to think I surround myself with people who view friendship in the same manner as I do.  When I was a kid, my mom used to tell me, "One day, you'll end up like me, with a handful of close friends, and it's going to be the quality that matters, not the quantity."
(She's a smart lady.)
I always thought to myself, "But, Ma, ALL my large quantity of friends are quality anyways!"

Over the years, I learned that wasn't the case. I wasn't always a quality friend when I was young, but as I hit college, I learned what being a quality friend meant. And, over the years, I learned that not everyone understood what being a friend meant. As with everything I suppose, everyone has a different view on what being a friend means. I've had a constant in my life for about eight years now that I can say truly gets me and I truly get her and I'm thankful for that.

Forging deep connections requires a certain amount of emotional investment, authenticity and risk. Maintaining them demands energy and may occasionally push our boundaries. Most real friendships eventually take some work, and they almost never come with guarantees. This is something I've had to learn. When I really give of myself to a friendship...I give a guarantee, but what I'm learning is that it isn't always reciprocated. That hurts. When you think about it, it feels like other people are being chosen over you. It makes you think about your guarantee...and when it's time to revoke it...because at what point do you continue to reach out, to not have your friendship reciprocated?

On the other side of that coin, I've been SO very lucky in the past few months to take a friendship that I've had that was created when I started walking/running and really grow and water it. We've connected with things in our life, even rooting to our families, that my heart feels so connected to her and to say I'm thankful isn't enough. I feel like I can share anything with her--doubts and fears, both personally and professionally, and she has been my shelter from the storm. And I hope I've been the same for her. She is extraordinarily important in my life. She's my "sister" (*wink, wink*) and she knows who she is.

If you read classic literature on friendship, you'll see that to people such as Aristotle, Montaigne, Shakespeare, Hemmingway, and much later, C. S. Lewis, true friendship was much more than the companionship often mistaken for it. The friendship we find in their writings will probably not be found in the club, sharing a girls night out with acquaintances, or lamenting at happy hour. Montaigne even expressed you might find one true friendship in every 300 years. I don't necessarily believe that to be true...I mean Laverne & Shirley, Lucy & Ethel, The cast of Friends, The Pretty Little Liars...we've got some winners there.

I guess that was a long winded and blabbering way to say be kind to one another. Cherish your friendships. Friends are the people who help celebrate your success, provide support through the tough times, and through the consistent times, are there just to help you laugh.

Is your life perfect?

Mine isn't. That's for sure. I think those of you who know me personally and have read my previous blog or are starting to read this one know I've got my own demons.

One of my facebook friends posted this today, though, and it got me thinking.

"I was told, because we have the ability to easily curate our lives on Facebook, most of us sculpt out a framework of our happiest selves to show the world. What studies have found, is that it is causing depression amongst a lot of our peers. Why? Because they aren't getting the full picture of their friend's lives, and they think it's "perfect".

 It made me think. I'm not sure what's going on in my head or what this post will result in, but it truly made me think. I think about how I go back and forth. In today's day of social media when I see people posting about how perfect their lives, their husbands, their jobs are and never posting anything negative, I wonder to myself what horrible thing they are hiding. But then sometimes I think maybe their lives really are that perfect and I wonder where I went wrong. 

In reality, I know that everyone has their "thing." Maybe even five "things." Maybe even ten. I've got my anxiety. I've got my body image issues. But I also have a great husband and family and friends. So I think we've all got a little bit of perfection in our lives and a little bit of disaster. 

Then I started really thinking about how social media is both a curse and a blessing. Without social media I would never have joined CCFA, would never have made some very good friends, would never have gotten my own billboard, would never have done a lot of things. I also wouldn't spend hours on my phone at night instead of interacting with my husband. I also wouldn't feel lost without my phone five inches from my hands. I also wouldn't feel the need to report every ounce of my life to all of my 1400 twitter followers who are OBVIOUSLY hanging on every word I say. 

I think we use social media to post the best parts of our lives so we can get the "atta boy" we're looking for. Some validation...which relates back to my more recent post about letting people know when they are doing a good job. 
I wonder, if instead of us all posting only the good things, and we all posted the real things, if social media would get old and tired. If people would get sick of hearing about the "real" in your face every day dirt about life. I mean, I've got my own grit I have to deal with, why do I want to hear about yours, right? Or would it help us as a society be less depressed thinking everyone has it better? 

I guess I just leave you with this. No one...no matter what they put out there has a perfect life. Everyone has a demon or a skeleton in their closet. Maybe it is marriage issues, maybe it is depression and anxiety, maybe it is something you couldn't even imagine in your wildest dreams. And maybe, instead of focusing on whether or not their lives are perfect or whether we're doing all we can, we should just be there for one another. Support each other as human beings through the good and the bad and leave all that other junk in the dust where it belongs.