Fat Shaming

Stop it. JUST STOP.
Who made you judge and jury? Who gave you the right to decide that you were better than someone else? I am so very sick of the discussions around how the only way to get overweight people to "get healthy" is to point out how fat and disgusting they are.
You know what? You're a bully. That's what you are. And I'm pretty sure they taught you in kindergarten that it wasn't NICE to bully.

A distant relative has been on a tirade lately on her facebook about fat people and how she's so tired of hearing them complain about how fat they are and how they should "just get off their asses and do something about it."
You know what? Go to hell.

This was my response.


Nicole Johansen I have a lot to say on this topic. As someone who once weighed 290 lbs "just do something about it" is easier said than done. I tried every diet known to man and unfortunately those who are naturally thin or spend their lives working out don't necessarily understand that "just do it" is sometimes impossible. I had to have surgical intervention. Which was right for me and it helped me get healthy. But to judge people is unacceptable. "Fat acceptance" isn't a thing. Acceptance in general is a thing. And it's not only personal acceptance but acceptance of others. Stop judging people when you don't know their situation, their mental state, or whether they have a medical condition, or anything of the sort. I agree food in this country is a joke. But that is two separate issues.
Nicole Johansen In addition, this whole fat shaming thing is bullying. Being fat doesn't mean a person is lazy or unhealthy. And honestly, this whole fat shaming thing is something that is not only demotivating for people but it can be paralytic. Why should I go to the gym when the size 6 is going to look at me and roll her eyes? People need to have their own defining moment and decide what it means for them to be healthy and do what is right for them. If someone is overweight, that is no one else's right to comment on or discuss.

Smile

I hope this blog post turns out better than the last one. I've been having problems with the look of my blog...posts crawling over one another and looking generally unpleasant.
Can't seem to find a help section either.
Anyways, that's not what this is about.

I'm sure you've heard the sayings about smiling. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile. Peace begins with a smile. Smiling burns calories. All people smile in the same language.

I mean, I'm the first to admit that I don't always walk around with a smile on my face. Let's be honest, if we did that people would probably think we escaped from the nearest mental institution.
One of my friends posted something on facebook the other day and it generated a lot of buzz.

"When is the last time someone told you to smile? How often does it happen?"
There was a lot of responses like:
-I hate when people do that. If I wanted to be smiling I would be.  
-Men consider us ornaments that should be smiling at all times 
-My knee jerk reaction would be to give them the middle finger

Really, people? I again go back to wondering how our society would be different if we weren't all so angry and jaded people. 
 
I've had people tell me to smile. I didn't immediately want to grab them by the throat and murder them. Nor did I ever think a male was telling me to hop on up and make him a sammich and do it with a smile on my face for his pleasure.

My response was:
"So what? Maybe I'd like to see you smile to brighten my day. Maybe I think you're having a bad day and I think a smile would help you. Maybe it's just so you know someone is thinking of you and your feelings. I don't know why we have to turn everything into a women's lib argument or an I can't believe someone would have the gall. Take it for what it's worth and it's probably a nice gesture. Not everyone in the world is out to get you."


Modern society is cynical and jaded and it appears even telling someone to smile is a no-no these days. What happened to the days of saying hello to your neighbor? Opening the door for someone? Offering to carry a bag or two? Some people suggest TV and the violence we are exposed to numbs us to these things. Is that true? If it is, what's the fix? When we cut ourselves off from that aspect of the world do we grow up with a unrealistic view, forcing us into a different quandry of not being prepared for the pains the world will throw at us? Or would the pains of the world go away?

I guess I don't have all the answers. I think, though, my advice is going to once again try to think of the days before when you could borrow a cup of sugar without getting a door slammed in your face. A softer, gentler society. And maybe next time when someone tells you to smile, maybe next time you smile. And maybe next time you smile, it fixes what ails you or at least lifts your spirits.

Is your life perfect?

Mine isn't. That's for sure. I think those of you who know me personally and have read my previous blog or are starting to read this one know I've got my own demons.

One of my facebook friends posted this today, though, and it got me thinking.

"I was told, because we have the ability to easily curate our lives on Facebook, most of us sculpt out a framework of our happiest selves to show the world. What studies have found, is that it is causing depression amongst a lot of our peers. Why? Because they aren't getting the full picture of their friend's lives, and they think it's "perfect".

 It made me think. I'm not sure what's going on in my head or what this post will result in, but it truly made me think. I think about how I go back and forth. In today's day of social media when I see people posting about how perfect their lives, their husbands, their jobs are and never posting anything negative, I wonder to myself what horrible thing they are hiding. But then sometimes I think maybe their lives really are that perfect and I wonder where I went wrong. 

In reality, I know that everyone has their "thing." Maybe even five "things." Maybe even ten. I've got my anxiety. I've got my body image issues. But I also have a great husband and family and friends. So I think we've all got a little bit of perfection in our lives and a little bit of disaster. 

Then I started really thinking about how social media is both a curse and a blessing. Without social media I would never have joined CCFA, would never have made some very good friends, would never have gotten my own billboard, would never have done a lot of things. I also wouldn't spend hours on my phone at night instead of interacting with my husband. I also wouldn't feel lost without my phone five inches from my hands. I also wouldn't feel the need to report every ounce of my life to all of my 1400 twitter followers who are OBVIOUSLY hanging on every word I say. 

I think we use social media to post the best parts of our lives so we can get the "atta boy" we're looking for. Some validation...which relates back to my more recent post about letting people know when they are doing a good job. 
I wonder, if instead of us all posting only the good things, and we all posted the real things, if social media would get old and tired. If people would get sick of hearing about the "real" in your face every day dirt about life. I mean, I've got my own grit I have to deal with, why do I want to hear about yours, right? Or would it help us as a society be less depressed thinking everyone has it better? 

I guess I just leave you with this. No one...no matter what they put out there has a perfect life. Everyone has a demon or a skeleton in their closet. Maybe it is marriage issues, maybe it is depression and anxiety, maybe it is something you couldn't even imagine in your wildest dreams. And maybe, instead of focusing on whether or not their lives are perfect or whether we're doing all we can, we should just be there for one another. Support each other as human beings through the good and the bad and leave all that other junk in the dust where it belongs.