Weight and acceptance

I've been going to this really great bootcamp for the past few weeks at Body by Design. I found it based on a Groupon and it is one of the hardest things I've ever done but it's just what I needed as a change up in my routine.

I can tell I feel better, I've lost a pants size, but the scale isn't moving. We all know I have a problem with that.  My personal trainer is telling me to get rid of my scale and I can't bring myself to do it. I don't have the luxury of someone who has been naturally thin all my life. I don't have the mind set of someone who can just say "who cares what the scale says" because for a long time I didn't weigh myself and I got to 290 lbs. This, right now, is simply not an option and I know Taylor really cares about seeing me succeed but he has a lot of work ahead of him, and I'm not sure he understands that a lot of it is mental.

I've heard twice this week about me getting smaller and no matter what I do, I look in that mirror and see the same fat girl that has always been there. I simply don't know if that will ever go away. 

Musings

I'm not sure why this came to be, but why not, I guess? I was looking at my ring tonight and I thought about grade school, and being an adult, and what I thought that might mean. Partly, I think, because one of the friends I'm speaking of now went to grade school with me. 

It's odd  me right now, because almost all of my close friends are in the process of getting divorced. And so I think back to what put that ring on my finger, and what's left and put back on the ring on my mom's finger; and it's just a weird reality check to hear my friends are getting divorced. So that is my weird news report of the day. 

I know it isn't black and white. I know that being married doesn't lead to divorce. It's hard work, regardless. I just hope that if I have children, I show them the reality vs the glass slipper.

In other, less depressing news, I got a groupon for a month of unlimited boot camps and I'm killing it. It's so great. I'm sore, literally every day, but it's good. I'm so glad I found them because after this I'm going to do personal training with them and it's the most comfortable I've felt in a long time. 

In more depressing news, one of my best friends had a house fire. They have been living out of a hotel since last week. They lost one of their cats during the fire, she ran off. They will soon be moving into temporary housing either Friday or this weekend. I will be looking to get them additional items to supplement their living in temporary housing in addition to all of the clothesthat I have collected on their behalf. People are being so generous. I cannot imagine what they're going through even watching them go through it on a first-hand basis. 

And that is caught up. At least for now.