Ancient Chinese Secret 5000 years old

That's what my Eastern Medicine Voodoo lady told me earlier this week. It was comical, out of a movie almost. (I say that with love.)

I was telling her about all my mom's health problems and her lung issues and she said "I can cure her."

I said "Sure you can. She's been in and out of the hospital since December, but you're gonna rub an herb on her and she's all better?"

She looked me dead in the eye and said "Ancient Chinese Medicine 5000 years old. Western medicine, not so much...and you. I make you believer."

Ok, ok!!!!

P.S. I'm a believer. Although she did bruise the shit out of my arm,

I forgive her. Because in the past week of seeing her, I've lost 5 lbs, I'm sleeping better, and I generally feel happier.
She's teaching me a lot about how my organs function, how they function together, and how the energy in your body is really important.

Additionally, each organ in your body is associated with a feeling. For example, your liver is associated with anger, the heart is associated with joy, the spleen with worry, the lung with grief, and the kidney with fear. As you work on these organs, you work on the feelings and the energy behind them...and trust me...lately, I've had a lot to work on in many of those departments. The past few months have been filled with all of those emotions and filled to the top.

I'm curious what today's session will bring because she always blows my mind!!!

In other news, it's concert season!!! I love fall because that's usually when my favorite bands show up and I don't have to worry about the crowds and grossness that is Summerfest. Tonight I'm seeing OKGO, who are legit geniuses. Tuesday I'm seeing Delta Spirit, and the following Monday, the ALMIGHTY PEARL JAM!!!!! This will be my second time seeing PJ. I've met Mike McCready and he is probably my favorite guitarist. He plays that guitar like it is part of his body. (And we all know I have a thing for guitarists...I did marry one!!!)

Happy weekend to everyone! We made it through the week!!!

Liver is associated with Anger
Heart is associated with Joy
Spleen is associated with Worry
Lung is associated with Grief
Kidney is associated with Fear
- See more at: http://www.tcmworld.org/what-is-tcm/tcm-healing-modali

Liver is associated with Anger
Heart is associated with Joy
Spleen is associated with Worry
Lung is associated with Grief
Kidney is associated with Fear
- See more at: http://www.tcmworld.org/what-is-tcm/tcm-healing-modalities/#sthash.JWWtd6Co.dpuf

Liver is associated with Anger
Heart is associated with Joy
Spleen is associated with Worry
Lung is associated with Grief
Kidney is associated with Fear
- See more at: http://www.tcmworld.org/what-is-tcm/tcm-healing-modalities/#sthash.JWWtd6Co.dpuf

Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall

I've heard this quote before, but after the summer I've had, it really struck me when I saw it again.

We normally think of Spring as being a time of renewal and rebirth because that's when everything starts to bloom.
But, if you think about it, fall is where that whole process starts, isn't it?
For things to have a rebirth in the spring, the leaves need to fall off the trees, the flowers need to stop blooming, and the air needs to get chilled.

This fall has brought me a number starting over moments. Deepening friendships with people, recommitting to my health, both physically and mentally.

I got the chance to go out to our Corporate Learning facility in New York when I needed it the most. It helped me change the way I think about things, people, and how I react.
There was so much that I took away from that week long experience I couldn't possibly write about it all. Two very important things that I will talk about are two quotes.

One is "Thoughts become things...choose the good ones." When you make a point to focus on the negative thoughts in your head, you give them life. You give them gravity and mass and they become real, even when they are not. It's hard to do, but if you can stop and recognize the thought and re-frame it, your outlook on life can change drastically.

The other quote, I already have hanging on my wall, but I never really made a point to look at it every day.

"Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."
This morning, when I was looking at the beauty of the moon and thinking about how small we are, this quote popped into my head.

There's a whole lot of evil in this world. There's a whole lot of people in this world who don't care about others. There's a whole lot of people who are hell bent on destroying others and breaking them into a million pieces.

I tend to believe, however, that for all those people in the world, there are many more good people, and we outnumber them. As I sat and looked at that moon and thought about all of the people in the world who were looking at it as well, I thought how wonderful it would be, if on a daily basis we all focused on the good. We all focused on helping a stranger, on being kinder, not only to ourselves, but to those faces in the parking lot or at the grocery store we don't give a second thought to.

What would that look like? As beautiful and immense and powerful and stunning as the moon this morning??

"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

Latest and greatest

It's been a rough summer, to say the least. 

As far as my car situation goes, I'm finally set. The devil Soul has been totaled, the white Sportage that was infested with billions if ants and ant eggs (because of course it was) has been returned. 

I am successfully driving a beautiful and safe grey Sportage which I am in love with. 

Mom has been in the hospital for seven days. This is right after Dad got out of ICU for pneumonia and sepsis. The expectation is that mom will be released tomorrow, but I guess we will play it by ear. She sounds and looks a million times better but she still has quite a bit of labored breathing. I have a hard time thinking we will ever get this COPD under control. The doc did mention as a very last resort we may need to consider a lung transplant....but that is so far down the line it isn't even worth talking about right now. 

My jaw seems to be semi under control. I have a guard I wear to keep my jaw in place. It's a weird feeling getting older. I often wonder if I'm having a mid life crisis at 34. 

There are days I feel like an old woman wishing I had done things differently, days I feel like living in the moment and letting all the "norms" be damned, and days I feel like an innocent teenager waiting for life experiences and feeling vulnerable and insecure. 

It's kind of an odd place to be.

But I suppose that's life, isn't it? Curve balls waiting around every corner...

Car accidents

Since December, this household has been in four car accidents. 

I slid into someone in December due to the bad weather.

About a month and a half ago I hit someone driving erratic on north ave. about a month ago nils was hit by a hit and run and then Tuesday I was in a pretty bad crash. The airbags deployed and I not only think they will total the car but I am praying for them to total the car. That thing has caused me nothing but problems since I got it. And if I didn't believe in curses before I do now. That car is cursed.

I have been an emotional weepy mess since Tuesday. I am bruised on my stomach from where the air bags got me and every day it is a reminder of how much worse it could have been, but also a reminder of the incessant bad luck I've been having. 

I just like crying, crying is my favorite. It's not but for as much as I have been doing it the past few days you'd think it was.

Pics don't do the damage justice, but let's all just hope for a complete loss and total on this please. On one hand, I could get rid of this car I don't feel safe in. But then the headache of how to afford a new car starts. This is the part I also wish I had a trust find or rich family memeber who could just help me the one time I need help. I don't like to ask for help because I should be able to do this stuff on my own. And I will. Either way, I'd like to get this over and done with so I can stop feeling like I'm going to vomit every minute if every day.

If it's not one thing, it's another

For the love.
I've been grinding my teeth since I was in high school. I do it in my sleep. During the day, I deal with stress by clenching my jaw...I don't even know I do it anymore.

Last week I started noticing a popping in the left side of my jaw. Didn't think much of it until Friday, when I yawned and ended up having to force my jaw closed.

I apparently have a slipped disc in my jaw from TMD/TMJ.

Temporomandibular disorders (TMD) occur as a result of problems with the jaw, jaw joint and surrounding facial muscles that control chewing and moving the jaw. These disorders are often incorrectly called TMJ, which stands for  temporomandibular joint.

What Is the Temporomandibular Joint (TMJ)?

The temporomandibular joint (TMJ) is the hinge joint that connects the lower jaw (mandible) to the temporal bone of the skull, which is immediately in front of the ear on each side of your head. The joints are flexible, allowing the jaw to move smoothly up and down and side to side and enabling you to talk, chew, and yawn. Muscles attached to and surrounding the jaw joint control the position and movement of the jaw.

What Causes TMD?

The cause of TMD is not clear, but dentists believe that symptoms arise from problems with the muscles of the jaw or with the parts of the joint itself.

Injury to the jaw, temporomandibular joint, or muscles of the head and neck – such as from a heavy blow or whiplash – can cause TMD. Other possible causes include:

• Grinding or clenching the teeth, which puts a lot of pressure on the TMJ
• Dislocation of the soft cushion or disc between the ball and socket
• Presence of osteoarthritis or rheumatoid arthritis in the TMJ
• Stress, which can cause a person to tighten facial and jaw muscles or clench the teeth

So I went to the dentist who basically told me it was a strained muscle. I decided to go to a chiropractor for a second opinion after doing some research and my jaw was actually slightly dislocated. He did an adjustment and I felt instant relief. However, the disc is still slipping. I have another appointment with him tomorrow. From what I've read, I just need to let this heal, but do you know how hard it is not to chew or talk animatedly for me?

I hope this resolves quickly.

Exclusion

I hit a huge milestone today. I ran nine miles. No literally. I ran nine miles with zno stopping. Normally I walk, normally I run/walk. Today I hit my stride. Slow pace but I'm ok with that.i never claimed to be fast. My goal was to run this half. I thought it was impossible but now I know it is not.

On the other hand...always, there is a but, right? I'm feeling pretty excluded from things. I am training and I normally am a solitary person. But, I'm not getting invited to go to concerts, to hang out on weekends...I don't know. Either I have given off the vibe that my training will interfere or I guess my friends, or people that I thought of as friends just don't consider me as someone to invite to do things anymore. 

And the other people in my life I considered friends I've been really questioning their priorities lately. There is a lot of selfish happening in my life and I feel like I'm getting really tired of it. 

Loneliness is a bitch. 

Fat Shaming

Stop it. JUST STOP.
Who made you judge and jury? Who gave you the right to decide that you were better than someone else? I am so very sick of the discussions around how the only way to get overweight people to "get healthy" is to point out how fat and disgusting they are.
You know what? You're a bully. That's what you are. And I'm pretty sure they taught you in kindergarten that it wasn't NICE to bully.

A distant relative has been on a tirade lately on her facebook about fat people and how she's so tired of hearing them complain about how fat they are and how they should "just get off their asses and do something about it."
You know what? Go to hell.

This was my response.


Nicole Johansen I have a lot to say on this topic. As someone who once weighed 290 lbs "just do something about it" is easier said than done. I tried every diet known to man and unfortunately those who are naturally thin or spend their lives working out don't necessarily understand that "just do it" is sometimes impossible. I had to have surgical intervention. Which was right for me and it helped me get healthy. But to judge people is unacceptable. "Fat acceptance" isn't a thing. Acceptance in general is a thing. And it's not only personal acceptance but acceptance of others. Stop judging people when you don't know their situation, their mental state, or whether they have a medical condition, or anything of the sort. I agree food in this country is a joke. But that is two separate issues.
Nicole Johansen In addition, this whole fat shaming thing is bullying. Being fat doesn't mean a person is lazy or unhealthy. And honestly, this whole fat shaming thing is something that is not only demotivating for people but it can be paralytic. Why should I go to the gym when the size 6 is going to look at me and roll her eyes? People need to have their own defining moment and decide what it means for them to be healthy and do what is right for them. If someone is overweight, that is no one else's right to comment on or discuss.